When We Fall From Grace or So We Believe
““Falling from grace is an idiom referring to the loss of status, respect, or prestige””
I can't believe you could do this! I held you to such a higher standard! I placed you on a pedestal! I have heard these things told to me on numerous occasions. I am not sure if many of you have had to carry this burden with you, but the load is quite heavy. It's what happens to many of us who allow others’ unrealistic expectations of us become our reality. Or is it also our own doing?
I am a true perfectionist at heart; I hate it when I am not organized, structured, or know what I am doing. For a long time I took pride in being a little Miss Goodie, but as with everything in life, it comes with a price. My fear of falling kept me in a box that I initially placed myself in, then those around me helped seal the box tightly close. The problem that occurs while you are so focused on doing what's "right and perfect" is you take away from the opportunity of just being human. We don't allow our flaws to make us who we are and grow from those mistakes and shortcomings. Rather than looking at them as milestones accomplished we view them as failure. With every challenge and circumstance the box seems to become more compact; we find ourselves stifled and unable to escape. It becomes difficult to breathe and although it would be better to get out of this box, we are afraid because it becomes our sanctuary. We fear to be exposed.
It's funny how everyone has had a moment (or many) where we were not at our best, whether we hurt someone we loved, told a lie, stolen, or cheated. No one on this planet is perfect. We miss that bar on a daily basis. We are humans and are bound to slip up. Some mistakes may be small while some are too large to fathom.
We have to look at each other with a greater sense of compassion and not be so quick to pass judgement. Am I saying it's ok to do wrong? Of Course Not! What I am saying is it becomes difficult when we are placed within a box that sets us up for a false sense of being. We ourselves create unhealthy behaviors. Let me paint a clearer picture.
As a mother I was placed in the pristine box of being a good mother that I created. The mother whose children are always clean and "seem" to be so well mannered and behaved. The mother who is part of the school culture, attends events, and helps with homework. I looked liked a perfect mom and I took pride in the box I was in. The problem is, once I had an off day, where all my ducks decided to be quacks and not swim neatly in a row, I felt the pressure of not fitting into my pristine box of motherhood. I feared others would see me as fraudulent. And to hear the comments such as, "I can't believe her" or even better, “Look at Miss Do No Wrong". You realize that it's very easy to go from being praised in one instance and fall really hard in the next.
You don't have to be a superstar in the spotlight for this to occur. It happens daily in our everyday lives. Try to remember that if you place someone in high regards it’s truly a wonderful thing, but also allow that person space to be human. It's unfair to make someone feel as if they will fall from good graces with no point of return. So do yourself a good deed by not creating the invisible box that seems to consume the superficial everyday human. We cannot become slaves to perception, especially those of our own.
Til we meet next time.. Take care of you :-)
