An Unexpected Mother's Day Gift
As my room became filled with the voices of my three sons excited to give me my gifts on Mother’s day I couldn’t have been more full of joy. It wasn’t the fact that they went out shopping, spent their own money, and actually gave a thoughtful gift. Well okay that was part of it. LOL. I mean the gift itself was amazing! My chain from ALEX and ANI spoke my language. It told me to just Breathe. My boys know my spiritual journey and my how important my daily meditations are to me. The chain was a daily reminder to sit still. The beautiful paper weight with a picture of myself with them brought tears to my eyes. "This is for your new office at your new job Mom" they said. So was it the gifts? No, it was not that at all. It was the passion, excitement, and genuine love they brought with them into the room. It was the way in which they looked at me with adoration and admiration that would have made any mother, or woman, just become overwhelmed. Because it was in that moment I felt like a "perfect parent", or I should say a "perfect person".
You see, when I think of motherhood, it’s the one role in life that will remind you time and time again that you are far from perfect and sheds light on your mistakes every step of the way. In that instance, while listening to my boys tell me how wonderful I am and how lucky they are to have an amazing mother, I realized that being a mother means that it is ok that you are going to screw up. There are times I just don’t know the right things to say or do. Countless nights I cannot make that meal that would be considered of full nutritious value. I clearly lived constantly feeling guilty for every decision I made that didn’t always quite turn out as planned. No, my boys were not always well behaved; at times they were ill mannered. Yes, I fell victim to feeling it was due to my inadequacy as a mother.
In this reflection I also saw the amazing young men that I helped create and continue to help develop. As the boys walked out of my room, It dawned on me that they have helped in shaping my mindset as a mother and have taught me vital life lessons.
1. Stop inventing unrealistic expectations
Mothering for you may not look the same as it does for another. And why should it? We all do not have the same types of children do we? We should not think of motherhood as fitting a cookie cutter mold. It just won’t work and in doing so you will always feel incompetent.
2. Perfection is overrated
There will be days when anything and everything can and will go wrong. Be okay with that. The house will not always be tidy, kids will make a mess and be a complete mess, and certainly all ducks will not always be in a row. Let go of the idea that in order to be a great parent everything has to be perfect.
3. Be loving to yourself
Take time to tell yourself you did your best today and that you will work just as hard tomorrow. Say kind words to yourself. Don't beat yourself up. You know your intentions and the love you have for your children more than anyone.
4. Mistakes are okay
Be open and grateful for them. They are there to learn and grow from, not to make you feel less than. Use them to pilot you through your challenges.
5. The kids are better than we think
If we truly stop to listen and just pay attention, we begin to see that they are doing pretty darn good. Often times they are doing far better than we are. Stop worrying, they will survive.
For Mother’s Day my three boys gave me a remarkable gift. A gift of self- reflection. They rejuvenated a part of me that for so long was filled with self-doubt. Do I believe that everything is perfect? I am certain they are NOT. But what I am certain of is that I am getting closer to the other side of my journey of MOTHERHOOD. I understand in order to continue this journey I must be okay in the birth of my mistakes and endure the growing pains in the process.
Thank you boys, your gift is appreciated more than you know.
